I don't know why my husband is getting soo upset about my e harmony account. Sometimes I just like to see who I'm supposed to be with

A pregnant woman is screaming at her husband. He says "dont blame me, I wanted to put it in your ass but NO, u thought THAT would hurt

I hate weddings, old people always poke you and say "you're next". Fuck it, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals!

Fastest way of getting out of a blow job: rub your socks on carpet 3 times beforehand. After being shocked 3 times he gave up & stormed off

My daughter is going to ace her back seat drivers test

I am at the park with my Daughter wishing I could beat others peoples kids

Dr tells a hooker she's pregnant&asks if she knows who the dad is.She replies "If you ate a can of beans,would you know which1 made you fart

married couples most common sexual position; doggy style. Hubby sits and begs for pussy & wife rolls over and plays dead

Watching appropriate tv w/ my little girl and a commercial comes on.

Daughter:mommy, what's an erection?

Repeatedly hitting the elevator up button is not going to get it here any faster #stillgonnadoit

In a chuckie cheese in a bucket seat on a stick in a wheel on a cirle on a wall. And exactly one bong rip ago I knew where this was going.

Get to go see the crazy dr today, wonder what will happen when I laydown on his couch. Good thing I wore good panties

Just checked the TV guide and saw "Minnie's first time." Boy have Disney movies changed since I was a kid

I woke up today feeling so smurfy that I grabbed my hubby, pulled him out of bed and smurfed him on the balcony

Before Donkey Kong, what was it ON like?

I go away for a few and now apparently I now either have to have sex with everyone and/or show them my funbags

The lack of substances in my system is making for some very vivid dreams

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about thier motives

LEAVE ME ALONE! I am trying very hard to look busy at work right now

Father-in-law is having a prob w/me talking bout anal in around him. What the hell is his prob, not like I'm asking him to take it that way