Working on an article about women who are superficial, materialistic and self-absorbed. I have no idea why I'm struggling with writing it.

Today is our 1 month wedding anniversary. We're celebrating by changing light bulbs in the garage.

It's impossible to drink all day if u don't start as soon u get up. So there.

I am a magnet for the mentally challenged and verbally enthusiastic.

Togetherness is highly overrated. People do this marriage thing for 50 years? I don't even like myself for more than a few weeks at a time.

On FB I wrote about the Xmas cookies I will bake. On Twitter I bitch about the a$$wipes who will eat them.

Oh goody! My new stepson is coming for Thanksgiving and staying a week. He makes Rain Man look socially adept. Can't wait.

The housekeeper has some nerve going on vacation. It's as if she didn't even worry about what would happen to my manicure in her absence.

Gloriously alone (and sober) for the first time in days. If it weren't for the hangover, I'd drink to that.

Headed to the Dr. because I can't take the fact that I have ZITS and wrinkles at the same time. This has got to be a joke.

Drunken Chickfest: Drinking Grey Goose straight up because we refuse to put on pants to go down the hall for more ice.

My husband leaves for church. I head to the gym. Evidently we both need to believe in the power of something we can't definitively see.

Oh, why *not* just let go? Insanity is inevitable, and they give you such lovely fuzzy, pink slippers.

Whoever asked, 'why keep running when you've already caught the bus?' obviously felt no pressure to maintain trophy wife status. Bitch.

Fun with very large screwdrivers this morning. Oh, and the only tools around here are currently on the tennis court.

I've been known to drive men to drink.

Taking refuge in my room, wondering why I didn't replace the empty bottle of vodka in the closet the other day.

Growing up in my house in Southern CA gave a whole new meaning to "the land of fruits and nuts".

My husband is awake, 'talking' to me. It's 4.30AM. Will the incessant togetherness NEVER end?

A really horrible thing has kept me away from Twitter. I've been... *working*. It's heinous, I know. I plan to put a stop to it immediately.