69 is the Kamikaze of oral sex.

"If I'm going down, you're coming with me!".

When a woman is pregnant, strangers touch her belly all the time. But no one grabs the father's balls and says "good job".

I don't understand the concept of a Freudian slip. It doesn't make any sex to me at all.

I believe every single word you say.

It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I think it's bullshit.

For perfectly sliced tomatoes, throw them furiously against a harp.

When my friends say I'm too rational, I tell them to go 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 themselves.

Growing up in the 90s gave me false expectations about sex.Internet porn on a dial-up connection convinced me that foreplay lasts for hours.

I won't just settle for a man who can open all my jars. I have ambition. I want the man who's been closing them all so tightly.

007 fights villains with prosthetic hands, a glass eye, serious birth defects... Why does he hate the handicapped? Is it the parking spaces?

-Operator, there's a problem with this phone. I'm hearing voices.
-What voices?
-There they go again. They just asked me "What voices?"

Stop staring at my ass. My boobs are up here.

I don't have OCD. I've been tested for it 542 times. And I prevent myself from catching it by washing my hands 542 times a day.

I'm not tall enough to ride my own emotional roller coaster.

Floods are just swimming pools that sneak up on us.

Hope is like the large-breasted woman in a horror movie. Always the first one to die.

You say potato, I say potato. We all say potato. The secret to a healthy relationship is to focus solely on potatoes.

I stopped masturbating because I needed to put an end to this love affair. I told myself "It's not you. You're me."

I've found an effective way to quit smoking. I just have to keep my head soaked in kerosene.

I have to stop dating demons. They're too possessive.

Ladies: draw the attention to your best assets. If you have nice cleavage, wear a low-cut top. If you have a nice nose, grow a mustache.