@DanKCharnley

DanKCharnley

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Favs Rec'd	30,611
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Following	31,843
Followers	45,853
Life Coach Coach/Cyber Bully/Xenophobic/Magician/Chubby Chaser/Avid Reader of Smut/Squirter/Damaged Goods/Dungeon Master/Stuntcock/Rib Sauce Judge/Heckler/Püper

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@DanKCharnley best tweets
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Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!

@DanKCharnley

Whoever coined the word "lisp" is a real dick for putting an "S" in there...

@DanKCharnley

St. Patrick's Day is like the "Open Mic Night" of alcoholism...

@DanKCharnley

"I was wrong." -No woman ever, in the history of humankind.

@DanKCharnley

Magnum condoms are not just a sign of a large penis. They are also a sign of a large vagina.

@DanKCharnley

Every time you masturbate, remember: YOUR DEAD RELATIVES ARE WATCHING YOU!

@DanKCharnley

If you have a flip-phone, you are probably an undercover cop.

@DanKCharnley

What ever happened to clouds 1-8?

@DanKCharnley

Darth Vader refused to take baths...that were Luke-warm.

@DanKCharnley

"White Powder!!" -confused racist cokehead

@DanKCharnley

Before I die, I hope I have legitimately uttered the phrase, ”Please, sir, you are standing on my cape” atleast once.

@DanKCharnley

I occasionally drink every single night.

@DanKCharnley

That chick's hair has low self-esteem. It must have been teased a lot in the 80's.

@DanKCharnley

I jacked off my clock and now I have a bunch of time on my hands...

@DanKCharnley

The contestants on "The Biggest Loser" lose most of their weight in tears.

@DanKCharnley

”I put the 'sass' in sasquatch.”

-gay Bigfoot

@DanKCharnley

Trust is like virginity. Once you've lost it, it's very difficult to get it back.

@DanKCharnley

”So who's ready to fuck!!?!”

-Me, at the petting zoo, then later that same day in jail.

@DanKCharnley

I can't wait until I'm famous enough to not follow you assholes back.

@DanKCharnley

The man upstairs knows what is truly in my heart. I don't mean that spiritually, my cardiologist lives above me.

@DanKCharnley

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