@starwars i present to you, LEGO DARTH VADER @darthvader #halloween http://t.co/sanXh7To

I might be dumb, I think I'm just happy

I'm just a man, being a man, telling you men, to respect your girl. If you're not happy, Leave. Only time a girl should scream is in bed.

I told my kidneys I wouldnt drink tonight. Thank god I didn't promise.

You know what's worse then an old stubborn man talking bout the good old days? People with blackberrys claiming they're better then iPhones

Ok seriously, Without sounding like a total douche or a drunk [which I am] I have amazingly hot followers.

With all do respect, go fuck yourself. What? I said "with all do respect"

My nephew has a book of "first words" instead of saying corn, he says Porn. Niiiice.

Dear mothers, single mothers, all of the above, I walked 5 feet in your shoes today. You're all amazing!!! P.s I need a chiropractor.

#StarWarsTaughtMe how to dress

Just had Greek for lunch. Great ass. I mean, the fries were good..

On a brighter note, went from 69 to 74 followers in a day. Take that ashton

Did we ever find out who let the dogs out? Why did we care? Were they zombie dogs?

#30WaysToMakeAGirlSmile if you think there's only 30 then you just failed at your first attempt.

With today's fashion trends, the Brady bunch would fit right in at sears. & thanks to "glee" they could sing out loud too. Wtf?

Told her to wear whatever she wants http://t.co/22pMWmXQ

I'm a child of divorce, & never minded, but seeing that makes me think how sad divorce really is.

As I walk home & smell smoke, most think BBQ I think my house is on fire, too much fight club.

Bought the best cough syrup from whole foods, by best I just mean it doesn't taste like cherry hell

Hi all sorry for my distant weekend, I missed you all, LIFE! You know how that is!! Group hug? Bring it in for the real thing, yes you!!