Spanish announce table is on borrowed time.

OH: I wish I lived the life that my Facebook said I did.

The very moving video that @SecretAgentL played in her session. A great message. http://youtu.be/puntWn17heQ #PcPgh5

#Assemble. http://t.co/PnJl7IYj

Boys love high fives. And boobs.

Accidently switched the Olive Garden and Cracker Barrel "ambience" cds. Started the whitest race war ever.

Nothing like dancing around the kitchen in 100 degree heat, listening to Lady GaGa. My honorary vagina comes in the mail next week.

If Hellen Mirrin asked me to eat a live prarie dog, I would do it. I would fight an ostrich with my bare hands for that woman.

Sick. Gonna spend the night with nyquill, chinese and fuck you.

Sometimes I like to pick Growlithe, Eevee and Houndour as my Pokemon team and pretend im a young Michael Vick. #GottaCatchEmAll

When you order from Jimmy Johns they put your name on your sandwich. Great success. http://t.co/c7U1xV9q

How I know the the Pens game is going poorly: http://t.co/b7RHhrBv

EVIL MIRROR MIRROR JR!!

Chaka, when the walls fell.

Weekend goat: fight a goat. Then become friends with goat. Drink with goat. Get goat thrown out of bar. Have goat arrested for embezzlement.

Headline today: John Hinkley wants more time away from prison. headline tomorrow: John Hinkley gets day pass, sees Contact, has regrets.

Off camping for a few days. If anyone needs me for anything, reevaluate your priorities.

Proper Thursday protocol: 1. Tear off own head. 2. Throw into traffic

Protect your soft bits, friends, here comes Tuesday. Tuesday always goes for the low blow.

Get offa me Tuesday, you fiery son of a Bitch.