When I get a new follower w/a locked account, I get a bit pissed that they've seen my undies but I have to ask "permission" to see theirs!

I may be in my 40s but my pussy's still in her 20s. That's because I was married for 18 years to a little prick.

Twitter feels like a late night jazz bar ~ One sax playing, some empty tables, a couple arguing in the back, & a drunk woman dancing alone.

We snarky bitches on twitter still have big hearts. Don't ever forget that.

Having a dog in my life helps keep my heart open to others but so far nobody likes it in there as much as she does.

You know, it just takes ONE tweeter telling me I'm appreciated to make this twitter shit seem like working toward the Nobel Peace Prize.

I think a man who knows how to use a semi-colon is sexy. My Ex was never able to deal w/a period much less one that sits on top of a comma.

Sometimes, music is so much more important to me than people.

Beware of those who need constant stimulation. They'll soon be bored & either try to make you into someone you're not, or leave you broken.

Some of the most beautiful women aren't wrapped within the prettiest paper on the gift table. Some just got a little roughed up in transit.

My fingers smell like tuna. Fuck you, I had a tuna sandwich, for crap's sake. My pussy is nothing but roses and memories.

I'm totally an open book. I just wish more people would be interested in going past Chapter 2. (Chapter 11 is fucking wicked.)

How I do Twitter. AM: Check Tweets of night before, delete, swear to get a life. PM: Give up on life, get drunk, tweet stupid shit. Repeat.

It's my pussy and I'll do with it what I choose. Right now I choose to play with it cuz it's just so sweet and deserves my attention.

Damn, it seems I've lost a bunch of male tweeps. Yeah, I'm over 40! Suck my saggy tits! Good grief, they taste the same, you babies!

More soldiers killed themselves in 2010 than died in the war they participated in. We need to do more than thank them for their service. #VD

Feeling a bit sad? Try swinging on a big park swing for 20 minutes. Worked for me.

I'm saving the twisty slide for utter despair.

Sometimes I'm full of shit, sometimes I'm full of myself, sometimes I'm full of Stouffers mac & cheese. All of these are painful situations.

13yrs ago today, my father died. I miss him so much, but no more than I did when he was living. Don't neglect your daughters, daddies..

I love people so much that I often feel like an idiot for staying within these walls of my home, rarely venturing out #agoraphobicconfession