Two animated gifs walked into a bar.
Two animated gifs walked into a bar.
Two animated gifs walked into a bar.
Two animated gifs w[ESC]

My browser said it could erase my history, so I chose high school.

Pronouncing the names of unfamiliar Republicans can be tricky. Just remember that the lust for male prostitutes is silent.

The people who get paid to put their hands into our bodies seem to be inordinately preoccupied with golf. I don't understand the connection.

Your folksy, anecdote-themed commecial has changed my mind. I do trust you after all, faceless corporation.

Ids say the darndest things.

I've had enough of your shit. Not sure why I accepted the previous shipments. Guess I figured, why not, free shit. But that's all over now.

It's not about stars or followers. It's about sneaking into people's homes and rearranging their sock drawers.

I know, surprised me too.

We live in the information age. The big challenge is not raising awareness. The challenge is raising give-a-shit-ness.

Okay, I splurged a little and got a paper shredder but it's so going to be worth it not having to pay bills anymore.

Maybe cows sound like that because their batteries are low.

I bet life was so much easier when serving size was simply how much of the kill you could stuff in your face before the hyenas showed up.

Removing an incidental word from a classic is outrageous! Now please excuse me while I go to worship with the latest version of the Bible.

Of all the things that come out of our bodies babies are probably the most likely to be photographed.

The cat seems pretty concerned with hygiene for someone who never leaves the house.

"Why does it feel better to have my tongue in someone else's mouth?" -- and other things I don't ask my dentist anymore.

That split second when you know you've dropped something heavy on your toe, but the pain hasn't yet reached your brain. Live there.

At some point, my grandmother stopped admiring how big I was getting.

Let's play teen tag. You be emo and I'll be shun.

I suppose you're all wondering why I brought you here today. It's to talk about my cat.