That Super Bowl trophy got rubbed by more black guys than Kim Kardashian. #GiantsSBchamps

Everytime Chris Brown loses a Grammy, an angel gets...to not get beaten with a Grammy. #Grammys

T-Boz from TLC recently filed for bankruptcy. NOW WHO'S THE SCRUB T-BOZ? HUH? NOW WHO'S THE SCRUB???

I haven't seen a Storm this bad since Halle Berry's acting in the original X-MEN movie.

I made a Kickstarter page 4 a film called "Kickstarter." It's about a guy who tries 2 raise money 4 his film "Kickstarter" on Kickstarter.

I wrote a funny article about why horror movies aren't scary anymore 4 my friend Jona's @ReelyBored blog. PLEEZE READ http://wp.me/pSqCT-ES

Women who think guys that cook are attractive, have not heard my sexy Chinese food ordering voice.

Just saw a bike covered in blood. Must be a menstrual cycle.

After the aliens take over the Earth & try 2 destroy it, Rihanna's character in Battleship eventually starts flirt tweeting with them again.

Check out my "Criminally Good Pizza" article featured on Splitsider (which is a popular comedy site) http://t.co/WZsnmrZJ

Just woke up from a nap to find out somebody drew a bunch of numbers on my penis. So I'm gonna start from the beginning & rub 1 out.

Check out the Valentine's video I did 4 years ago with @Elmo_DiFoca and @laurenjrivera with the person you luv...http://t.co/e1jpSrZ8

I kinda wished Liam Neeson was attacked by a teen wolf in The Grey so the movie could have ended in a one on one basketball match.

I think they should make a Latino version of Red Tails and call it Spanish Flys.

Beyonce had a baby girl last night. And then immediately kicked her out of Destiny's Child.

Lots of family drama on Thanksgiving tonight. My gay cousin showed up 2 dinner wearing a cape & announced 2 everyone he was now super gay.

My ex-girlfriend was a doctor who left me for a guy she performed surgery on. I still don't know what she sees in him.

B4 a date, dip ur tip money in fake blood. If she asks, "Duz that money hav blood on it?" you say, "Mind ur f-cking business." BUT B FLIRTY!

Beyonce's announced she's pregnant. I can't wait for that first female empowerment song about public breast feeding!

During the NY earthquake every Met got injured running to safety.