Men can read maps better than women. Only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

My pee smells like popcorn today. #JenFact

She said "For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness." I reply, "Everytime I punch your face you get one black eye."

Don't get your panties in a wad. If you paid attention to my timeline, you'd know that I am NOT on #teamfollowback .....

My uterus can out bleed your uterus. #fact

2 old ladies meet at the park, one says, "Did you come on the bus?" and the other says "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack!"

Good morning. Suck my butt.

I firmly believe that if you don't read my bio & follow me blindly, whatever you see is your own fault. If you don't like it, blame yourself

"Tired of people asking you to do things? Do what I do. Be terrible at everything." #mm

I don't fuck Hubby's face. Hubby's face fucks me. #fact

If anyone ever fooled Mr. T, it would force him to Pity himself, causing a Pity/Fool feedback loop which could destroy the very universe #mm

Sometimes I look at my timeline & wonder why I followed some of you tards in the first place... Again, #funfollow may become a Monday theme

Creepy, Party of HER. Creepy, Party of HER.

Twitter brings out something in me. Nevermind, I'm an asshole in real life too.

What's so hot about a used cum dumpster?

It is very hard to get the worms back into the can.... :/

I really like the person I have made up in my head that I think you are. In reality, I'd probably hate you. #foodforthought

"NEVER is a PROMISE & you can't afford to LIE." ..................... I FUCKING love #FionaApple

If you really don't get how to use Twitter, don't leave. YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.

A salad bar without lettuce???? HUH?