I saw @IRespectFemales at the pet store tapping on the aquarium tanks to get the fishes attention, then whispering "RT if you love God"

Congress fails to order pizza online due to it being blocked by #SOPA, is forced to order Chinese food from literal China

3 GENERATIONS OF DOGS. Grandpadog talking to puppy dog: "Bro we don't live that long, just shit everywhere, steal food".

"RT if your a lizard alien trying to enslave humanity" hahaha, funny tweet, I- *Retweeted by BarackObama and 20 billion others* My god...

REALLY MAD NFL CHANGED TEAM NAME TO "CHICAGO CAREBEARS", ALSO WISH JULIUS PEPPERS WOULD STOP SHOOTING SUNSHINE OUT OF HIS BELLY AND DEFEND

"You can't poop here!" The cop yells. The dog doesn't care. Dogs don't follow laws, or even know what the legislative branch is. Be the dog.

AYO WHAT DOES A PAGAN DJ SOUND LIKE? WICCA WICCA WICCA LOL

Sext: we're at your place. I'm gently removing your bra and- Holy shit, is that DIE HARD!? Oh we are so watching that right now.

#replacejustinbiebersongswithlemons Do not. I went into FYE and switched out his CDs with lemons. Was arrested for shoplifting/hating.

RIP Rip Torn torn to Pieces while resting Rest in Peace.

I AM A WHITE PERSON. LET ME GIVE YOU MY IN-DEPTH OPINION ON RAP. LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT "REAL HIP HOP" IS TO YOU.

#Atheists, what's so amazing about @AmazingAtheist's #atheism? How is his atheism better than yours? I think all atheism is equal under God.

3/9/2012: Biggie wakes up in his coffin, loudly asks "WAS IT ALL A DREAM?", Checks the date on newest issue of Word Up! magazine, screams.

*Pres. slams down phone* "The only way to stop meteor heading for us is to be racist on twitter!" "Sir, will they understand the context!?"

Yahoo answers>pregnancy & parenting>Other>My spider brethren and I just killed & ate our mother, who will teach us proper Christian values?

Great Alternatives To Netflix: Torrenting. That's it, like why even

@rupertmurdoch Dude I am going to fuck your wife.

ALL THE LADIES IN THE CLUB WHO REGULARLY FEEL DEHUMANIZED AND NEGATED IN SOCIETY SAY "YEAH-UH"!

Couple walks home at night in a dark alley. You creep up, stab them w/ green liquiblade "Is it in you?" you whisper, stealing their Gatorade

Atheists, if God isn't real then how am I levitating using only primitive elemental magic right now? #Atheism #Atheisthotline