LifeUniStudent

@LifeUniStudent

Life Student

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Followers 255
In many ways, now I come to read this back, I feel that I failed to be concise enough given the 160 character limit. Still, at least you know that i am a real..
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@LifeUniStudent best tweets
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my brother and i gave each other wonderful examples of bonsai gardening for Xmas. it's nice to exchange pleasant trees. #win100
the electric bill for my house is now so huge i had to permanently turn off the light at the end of the tunnel. #recession
@LitterrBox i picked up a piece of paper on 'how to survive a heart attack when you're alone' instead of my CV. gave it to obese manager.
if a fly travels from A to B at 85mph it's probably dead and stuck to my windscreen.
it's a day of national poetry/and verses will be shared/i'll come out and admit right now/that i came unprepared
@hi_robb what is the difference between Huntley and an onion? no one cries when Huntley gets cut up.
@LifeUniStudent in reply to hi_robb
NUDISTS: Overcome nerves when speaking at conventions by picturing your audience clothed. @twoptwips
ITV Commentary - Ruining sport since fucking forever. #rwc2011
when he comes home for christmas his mum opens the door and wishes it were another burning bag of shit. #insultpiersmorgan @piersmorgan
all the music at Stringfellows comes from the seedy player. #puns
@BHLC there's something about marijuana #drugfilms
@LifeUniStudent in reply to BHLC
#ff @andy_ct5 for inventing the cuppatino, a drink with a great name. all we need is it to taste good now.
my daughter used to date Joe Hart. i told her, stay with him, he's a keeper.
did you hear about the dairy freemasons? you have to know the secret milkshake. #win100
i've been accused of snobbery in the past, but anyone who matters will tell you that is not true. #win100
my daughter's dollhouse bungalow is near perfect, with just one tiny flaw. #win100
i hate people who use French words to make them seem cool, it's so passe. #win100