I propose that we rename hump day to go-down-on-me day.

All in favor...

{hand raised}

Motion passed.

Meeting adjourned.

Mother nature is a cougar. How else can you explain that the sexual peak for men is 20 & women 35?

Also: Don't judge me. Rowr.

With some people, the sex is so good that the lack of foreplay doesn't really bother me.

Not you, though. Get down there.

Playing hooky today...hoping to make some good money.

What? That's not what "playing hooky" means?

Well don't I feel like an idiot.

In my experience, young guys look good but rarely have the skills or stamina that more mature men have. Forced to choose, gimme skills baby.

Being a woman has good & bad days. Period = bad days. Using cleavage to get your way = good days. Multiple orgasms = fucking great days.

I was told I have a nice rack today. What it lacks in tact & originality it makes up for in balls. And his were nice.

Okay, this is the second time I slept through Monday. Apparently those white M & M's I found weren't M & M's.

One good thing about having a bad hair day is that if I undo a button or two, nobody notices my hair.

Is it possible to have an orgasm during the best pedicure ever? Cause I think I just had one. I shall call it a pedigasm.

If you notice me nodding off, quick grab my boobs. Even if it doesn't energize me, it'll feel good.

Ever been masturbating in your office & have a moment when you wonder if someone has put hidden camera's in the ceiling?

Me either.

Football? Seriously? I've got boobs! And a stripper pole!

Fine. But I bet Favre doesn't swallow.

Anyone who says sex is overrated isn't getting any.

Or is a really bad lay.

Or both.

Because of the other.

Or not.

What was I saying?

My boobs feel funny. Not, like, touch-feel, but sensation-feel.

Though if anybody wants to touch-feel, just to rule that out, be my guest.

I just can't get motivated to do any work today. If only there was a job where you could make money having sex.

It's Monday? WTF? Where did Sunday go? That's the last time I try anything a midget offers me at a carnival.

As appreciative as I am for that nooner, the term doesn't mean that it should only last from 12:00 to 12:01.

I'm so used to tweeting/texting in the bathroom that I forgot people can hear me when I'm actually talking on the phone. Awkward.

There are guys who don't go down? Really? I hope they also hate bj's, cause if they think they're getting one w/o the other they're fucked.