MTV: It wasn't Rihanna's *surprise* performance that blew Twitter up. It was her SHITTY performance. #mtvvma

I have a thing for changing clothes in my car. I dig it. I know. I'm strange.

Casey Anthony's "not guilty" verdict makes me wish Dexter was real.

I've realized that what i'm looking for, I may never find. I'm not sure if this terrifies me, or releases me.

It's no big deal to have sculptures worth thousands of dollars, really. I have one in my house. It's called: "Stack Of College Books"

Realizing today that there is a huge difference in people who truly care about you, and ones who care about what you can do for THEM.

My 4 Year Old: "Mommy, let's talk about this and make a deal."

Me: "I don't negotiate with terrorists."

100 degrees one day, 55 degrees later that week...I now understand why nature is personified as a female.

I just told my little sister I would totally fuck her prom date. Keep it classy, Megan.

*Obviously* I'm kidding, people. Not all of us are miserable. Some of us are divorced.

My son is now using going to the restroom as an excuse to mess with his junk. Just like his father. :/

Help me stay in the top 10! I've seen other girls resorting to tackiness- ick! http://t.co/Bup6zkh @ AmericanApparel: XL Model Search!

Tornado area now considered class 1 disaster.... Homeland security involved now. #wearealabama

The DirectTV commercial doesn't make me want DirectTV. It does however, make me want a Petit Lap Giraffe.

You know I'm sick when I pass by the cupcake and candy aisle without even a long stare.

6 years ago today,on September 22, 2004 Oceanic flight 815 departed from Sydney, Australia en route to Los Angeles, California. Never forget

I keep accidentally calling it "Final Fantasy Football"....This will more than likely be reflected by my scores....

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

This morning, while getting ready to see pulmonologist, first song that Pandora played: Harder to Breathe. Cute, Pandora.

If you can't quit smoking long enough to pump your gas, please remove yourself from the gene-pool in a way that doesn't endanger everyone.