MommyNeedsANap

@MommyNeedsANap

Dont.LetThem.Find.Me

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@MommyNeedsANap recent tweets

MommyNeedsANap
Me, talking about our cat, "She's such a typical female."

Husband, "You mean crazy?"

"Moody?"

"Fun to sleep with?"
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MommyNeedsANap
Husband, "You're fat."

Me, "You're a jerk."

Good thing we were both talking to the dog, right?
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MommyNeedsANap
Twelve, "What's the difference between roast beef & pea soup?"

Me, "?"

Twelve, "Anybody can roast beef."
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MommyNeedsANap
Just neutered one of those big trucks with a set of balls hanging off the hitch.

Felt real good too.
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MommyNeedsANap
My boys were mad at each other this morning, so no one spoke during the entire 30 minute drive to school.

It was lovely.
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MommyNeedsANap
Turns out having piggy roommates in college who never cleaned up after themselves was my apprenticeship for my future career as a Mom.
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MommyNeedsANap
Pro Tip for the ladies when doing a chest thump...arch your backs.
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MommyNeedsANap
Heading out to Christmas Eve services...or as our Pastor puts it, the annual family reunion.
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MommyNeedsANap
Anybody else get a Christmas card that as soon as you read it you wanted to slap the sender?
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MommyNeedsANap
No one wants to decorate the tree...they just want it done.
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MommyNeedsANap
Oh....it's 4G...not orgy. Never mind.
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MommyNeedsANap
So, I'm wondering why T Mobile's ad is about walking in an orgy wonderland...weird, huh?
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MommyNeedsANap
I plan to leave this life exhausted, with my tires smoking.
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MommyNeedsANap
It's hard for me to model my love of reading for my boys since I do so much of it in the bathroom.
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MommyNeedsANap
Having a shindig sounds really painful.
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MommyNeedsANap
I'm thinking there's an especially scorching spot in hell 4 sadistic teachers who demean their students to inflate their own infantile egos.
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MommyNeedsANap
Here's a fun fact! With Blago's sentencing, 4 out of the last 9 Illinois governors will have served prison time.
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MommyNeedsANap
Seven, "Sometimes I wish you were a girl."

Fourteen, "Why?"

Seven, "I don't think I'd get beaten up so much."
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MommyNeedsANap
I left an item behind at Sam's Club. I'm confused. The sign says the people at the door are there to be sure I get everything I paid for.
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