One more follower and I'm at 250. After being here since 1974, I'd say that's not bad.

I find in hard to fathom how your mouth opens so wide when you scream at me, yet you can't keep your teeth from grating my cock.

Dude if she's that bad above the neck, drape a flag over it and do it for America.

I very rarely unfollow people, but if you tweet you're at Wendy's with a foursquare link, I don't really care to here more about your life.

I like creamy, slippery, squishy, wet, sloppy sex. If you're the prim proper prissy type, keep your pussy padlocked permanently.

After I've had my way with you, explored every orifice, violated every nerve, penetrated every pore, then, and only then will I uncuff you.

I'm not really into chicks with front butts.

One minute I'm confused about what she wants, the next minute....well, the whole fucking night has gone like this.

12pm back to our regularly scheduled tweets of mayhem, depravity, debauchery, and bestiality. Fuck this love stuff.

"Go fuck yourself" was originally a hermaphroditic term of endearment.

I try to get up a few hours before work so I have plenty of time to talk myself out of going.

Sober almost a year. Quit for my health, to stay alive. This place gives me laughter, distraction, and plenty of sandwiches. TY friends.

Don't be fooled. Oprah's gonna pull a Brett Farve. She loves the limelight too much.

This whole face sitting propostion really has me on the edge of my seat.

Fuckin' tequila ate right through the coffee filter.

If you're stupid enough to marry four women, I don't wanna see a show where you bitch about your bitches.

The bleaching didn't help one bit, yet I'm strangely turned on that your ass smells like Clorox.

Some hold their liquor well, others don't. Some hold it and tweet well, others don't. I think I'm beginning to know the difference.

Blow jobs. Coating the esophagus since 56AD.

Ladies.U don't know what it's like when a big sweaty ball sack is constantly stuck to the inside of your leg. But that's ok, I don't either.