I wish I could unfuck some people.

Not having any friends means I'm always the pretty one.

We don't have to have sex, let's just see if it fits.

I'm NOT crying, you dumbfuck. I'm having an allergic reaction to feelings.

You know what feels better than cotton? Fucking. Fucking should be the fabric of our lives, not cotton.

Muttering "fuck this shit" and walking away will never feel as therapeutic as yelling "FUUUUCK THIS SHIT" and flipping over a table.

I shouldn't be spending the most fuckable years of my life not fucking.

My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.

If I were a Care Bear I'd be I Don't Care Bear.

I'm pretty sure I'm dead inside, but I don't care because I'm still really fucking hot on the outside.

I'd settle for an enemy with benefits.

Cunts sure do hate the word cunt.

I like my men like I like my cookies, shoved in my mouth and leaving a mess on my tits.

Not being able to remember my facebook login info is the gift that keeps on giving.

If you hate your life, you're not alone. If you love your life, what the fuck are you doing on twitter?

I look pretty good for someone who's dead on the inside.

Unlike 'I love you,' it's never too soon in a relationship to whisper 'fist me like a puppet.'

Twitter: where the best moral support comes from people with some fairly questionable morals.

You never feel more single and alone than when you find two rolls of Christmas wrap under the bed and have no one to sword fight.

My mood ring is a beautiful shade of get the fuck out of my face.