HELP! Anyone know how to cancel an eBay bid? I made an offer for a mickey mouse outfit, now I'm 6 minutes away from owning the Tory party

Twitter, you need to share this little bit of joy from my commute on the tube today. Joy on the tube is rare! http://yfrog.com/h6bkvzj

*whispers* isn't David Cameron looking tired lately. *walks away casually*

On the day the NHS was killed off, the daily mail wins paper of the year. We're living in a right-wing paradise.

Amazing how quickly liberal people become raging right-wingers when a riot comes to their streets.

Bear walks into a bar. Says can I have a......pint please? Barman asks him why the big pause? Bear replies I'm a bear. #sarahteatherjokes

Why is Cameron rushing to chair cobra over something on another continent when he couldn't be arsed to come back when London was burning?

I distinctly remember John Redwood complaining that Labour was OVER regulating banking sector. #hypocrite #bbcqt

Tories in power, economy failing, strikes on the horizon, and troubles in Belfast. Bring on Gene Hunt, it's the 80s again.

It's very thoughtful of the BBC to break up Dimbledore's election coverage with brief spells of Jeremy Vine's interpretive dance.

Hoping @swpolice charge @LiamStacey9 for his racist tweets. Utter disgrace.

Max Clifford spinning that Brooks is heroine of the story for uncovering hacking. WITH A STRAIGHT FACE. #bbctw

Dennis would still take Dave in a fight. Now there's a fundraiser we'd all rush to buy tickets for,

Snow isn't romantic, magical, fairy dust. It's frozen rain. And a giant slidy slushy messy pain in the arse.

This really made me sad today. http://t.co/MtIdhXiV

Embarrassing that bbc can keep reporters in Afghanistan but not #Tottenham.

@Vernon_CoakerMP Why is nobody adding in abstentions to rebellion numbers? 97 Tories rebelled tonight, not 80.

9 police officers just pulled a profoundly disabled woman off the 148 bus on Victoria street. Talk about overkill.

I've a speech I might leak to @LabourList. It was my big resignation speech that I didn't get to deliver when I worked in a hotel in 1992

My Nigerian neighbour insists the strategic deployment of Nigerian mothers is the answer to #riots