GM has announced a new car called the Amnesia. Its the only car they make that they can't recall.

Since it started snowing my wife has done nothing but look through the window. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her back in.

Tip of the Day:

When going through airport customs and you are asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"

Knock knock,
Who's there?
Grandpa . .
Shit stop the funeral!

News Flash: BP has finally stopped the oil leak





THEY PUT A WEDDING BAND AROUND THE PIPE...




AND IT QUIT PUTTING OUT....

guess.

1.BOO_S
2._ _NDOM
3.F_ _ K
4.P_ N_S
5.PU_S_
6.S_X

A:
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
6.SIX

You Dirty Minded pervs.

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of lego pieces last night. Im just wondering if I'm gonna shit a brick this morning?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

My mom accused me of being very dependent.

I almost choked on her nipple.

Statistically, 2 out of 1 people have Schizophrenia

When I die I want to be buried in a glass coffin.

Remains to be seen.

I hate people who take drugs.

such as policemen, customs officers etc...

Dwarves are often born with an extra toe.

It's a little gnome fact.

I had sex with an ohmless person last night.

There was no resistance.

Necrophilia, it puts the FUN into Funeral!

A baby boy was born with no eyelids, so they replaced it with circumcised foreskin. He seemed ok, at first now it turns out he's cock-eyed.

When you get married, you put the ring on the finger, after the divorce you get the finger.

I tried playing an old Bob Marley cassette tape I found...Trouble was it kept jammin....

Lost your tree?

Why not nail a picture of it to your dog?

Porn stars can always recall every detail about everyone they slept with - thats what I call a Pornographic Memory.