NEVER underestimate a woman's ability to make you feel guilty for her mistake.

THE pill. The second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

Why are Mute people called dumb?
In my experience the dumbest people can't shut the fuck up.

NEVER tell an angry woman to calm down. She WILL kill you.

Levels of Insanity.
1 Talk to yourself
2 argue with yourself
3 lose argument with self
4 Is no longer speaking to self
5 Join Twitter

I molested myself last night. I said no but I knew I wanted it.

I hate it when women undress me with their eyes. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR HANDS? Or even teeth.

Boy :- You are the most beautiful and funny girl I've ever met.
Girl :- You only want to have sex with me
Boy :- wow you're smart too.

My friends tell me I'm condescending.
(That means I talk down to people.)

More people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you're swimming off the coast of Australia and see a pop up toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE.

Drinking too much may cause memory loss, or clothes loss, or self control loss, or bodily fluid loss, or memory loss.

The speed that a woman says '"nothing" when asked "what is wrong?" is directly linked to how much shit you're really in.

NEVER doubt the ability of a woman to find out about ANY shit you're trying to hide from her.

Being able to make someone laugh when they're feeling down is an underestimated gift.

I told my girlfriend she can have sex toys as long as I can join in. One huge strap-on later and I've decided to relax that rule.

My Girlfriend says she hates it when our next door neighbour sunbathes topless in the garden.

Personally I'm on the fence

"The trouble with internet quotes is you never know if they're genuine or not"
-Winston Churchill

I only like to show my Karate skills when I've walked into a spiders web.

My girlfriend has been hallucinating lately. She told me she was seeing other people.

I'm hoping my next actual physical relationship is with someone other than myself.