Are all these adverbs actually completely totally necessary?

Why don't bags of chips have Zip-loc type seals? Does the chip clip industry wield that much influence?

If you've painted yourself into a corner, you might as well try drawing a trap door to get out of it.

I never take advice, I only give it.

So you can call me a hypocrite, but at least I'm not selfish.

Hey, whaddaya say? Our avatars should go have a drink...

No strings attached, purely textual.

When life hands me lemons, I write a very strongly-worded letter.

I don't know what says more: that I actually tried to buy a leopard print snuggie or that my credit card got declined for it.

If you're a guy buying pads for your wife, you won't escape the store without a price check, override, or running into some one.

Always™

I hired a life coach and he's already benched me.

Irony shows up but Sarcasm shows up and kicks ass.

Considering how much I drank last night, it doesn't seem right that I'm so thirsty this morning.

You can tell the stoners by a tension deficit disorder.

To grow as a person, I need to push boundaries and get outside my comfort zone more; Particularly during the commercial breaks.

When we party with my friend who's a telekinetic, he throws all our muthafuckin hands in the air, and waves 'em like he just don't care.

Since political practicalities predicate pliable positions, legal loopholes are left to leverage leeway for later lattitude.

We'd party like it's 1492, but no one really likes a renaissance fair.

Took company car for take-out (outside of work hours) Ran into boss at intersection. Got home & fortune cookie suggested a career change.

I bet a codependent's self-referential jokes are really about someone else.

"Wheverer did these children learn to be so dramatic, gasped their parents breathlessly

A fool and his gold are soon parted 4 cash.