At the gym desperately trying to burn the extra calories ffrom last nite...if only muffin tops were the new sexy!

Before Twitter I read a book weekly...now I only read tweets...oh, yeah, and Urban Dictionary so I know WTF some of you are saying!

One of the reasons I keep my land line is to call my cell phone when I can't remember where I left it.

Lindsey Lohan is so vain she really thinks that commercial is about her!

Hubs: I would never use social networking to tell anyone anything about myself.
Me: That's okay, baby. I'm taking care of all that for you!

Wierdo friend always calls to whine about her BF & sex life.... Told her Twitter is soooo where she needs to be!

Rush judging a beauty contest is like Cheney teaching a marksmanship class.

I'm just a girl, standing on the scales, wondering what the hell happened!

I'm bringing Rubenesque back!

New bot follower is promising to get more women in my bed! WTF? Just what I need...more people snoring & keeping me awake!

WARNING: Do not go to Wal-mart hungry! You WILL lose your appetite!

It really is SO hot in here that I AM going to take my clothes off....it's good that I'm already at home!

Book Club shot down my suggestion of reviewing the favstar leaderboard for this month's selection...humorless beotchs!

When life hands you a muffin top, just head out to the mall for some bigger clothes!

The world is crazy...oil spills, split on political ideology, car bombs,etc..thank God Twitter is here to keep us anchored in normalcy!

Married male having office affair with a young hottie. There's an old saying: God gave man two heads & only enough blood for one.

Wow! Can't help but think of the potential sociological studies availble on Twitter...

All these horny people...where do they all come from?

Divorce-$1000
New Condo-$5000
Intercepting & destroying detailed instructions from ex's BFF on how to give a blow job-PRICELESS!!!!

Joined Weight Watchers today. I'm hooked cause they hand out stars for being a loser.