Follow @KimJongNumberUn or be executed. #FF

Gotta love it when you hours, working late into the night on a problem, fail, then next morning, you figure it out in ten minutes.

I shouldn't let crap like this bother me, first world problems, but that fuck you attitude really eats at me.

Why does nobody want to share a cubicle with me? I'm always friendly: " Hi my name is Thomas. Steak gives me gas."

Hardware vendors: please let someone else design your firmware for you. Someone that knows UX fundamentals.

A thanks is always appreciated. Usually my "np" means "no problem", but sometimes it means I'm calling you a "numbnutted putz"

The stabbier I feel, the more Scottish my accent. How is this possible?

I bet the Swedish Army has really stylish barracks.

Fellow white people, can you please explain planking to me. Question 1: why?

Target could make a fortune selling home vasectomy kits. Put it right next to the toy section.

Today's SCRUM status: I would punch somebody in the face if I knew exactly whose face to punch.

A car is useless without brakes, steering, engine, fuel tank, seats, etc. Being necessary doesn't make you more important.

Ask me to fix your laptop? I'm a programmer. That's like asking a brain surgeon why it hurts when you pee!

I hope UBL's 72 virgins are all ugly, hairy, named Bubba, and have dicks the size of water bottles.

Donna Summer dead. John Travolta still alive. Fuck.

Fellow Canadians please note: American chicken pot pie does not contain any pot whatsoever. I call it deceptive adverts but it is legal.

Who doesn't use a preposition to end a sentence with?

Sing like nobody's listening. Dance like nobody's watching. Fart like nobody's smelling.

@MistookMistake thanks for all the laughs on @Favstar and I am looking forward to your triumphant return.

Ever have a turd so big you had to stand up a bit in order to release it?