There's no crying in Twitter, that's why you have a Tumblr account.

I might be the star machine, but I'm not starring memes.

I believed that children are our future!
Related: I don't have any kids.

You're so mad that you could kill that person, but instead, you tweet about it and do nothing. Twitter saves lives!

I like to help the little people of Twitter.

YOU try to be boring and unfunny in every tweet, it's not as easy as I make it look.

Your last tweet made no sense to me. *star*

I like your passive aggressive tweets better than your subtweets.

I'm going on a Twitter vacation.





See you in one hour.

I always find it interesting that the person giving you a trophy is always one of your favorites.

The more pain you have the funnier you are, I have no pain.

"I've never been part of a murder" - A loner crow.

This tweet is cursed, if you retweet it, you will twittercide in one week.

I don't put noses on my emoticons because I don't want them to get addicted to coke.