The_Sock_Puppet

@The_Sock_Puppet

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@The_Sock_Puppet best tweets
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The_Sock_Puppet
Went to a gang fight this morning and some shopping broke out
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
this coupon is telling me to go to a website and print a coupon
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
Getting a foot up your ass is one of the hazards of being a sock puppet
@The_Sock_Puppet
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The_Sock_Puppet
Halloween was a success ~ 2 kids peed themselves and 5 ran away crying ...Related:... I don't have to buy toilet paper next month
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
just finished reading 2 hours worth of tweets ~ i need a bath
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
I've found that by saying "aw fuck you" at the beginning of the argument, it saves time.
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
Women are from Venus. Men are from the planet of the apes.
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
This tweet was once used by Macgyver to save the world
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
when I say "word to the wise", I really mean "word to the dumbass"
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
Which one of you wise guys put "shave your legs" in my fortune cookie?
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
In a perfect world, people would smile and wait patiently in line for their chance to kiss my ass
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
I have a confession... Several, if not all of my previous tweets were pulled directly from my ass
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
yes, farts are funny...but the "who farted" look on the faces of people in the elevator is priceless
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
*passes by mirror, pauses, plays a game of patty-cake....moves on*
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
If i ripped the power cord from my alarm clock's ass and crammed it in it's little LED face, would you think I was a violent person?
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
Laughing and giving out stars takes hours out of my day ~ Thank God I'm getting paid for it
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
#isitjustmeorarethehashtagsgettinglongerandlonger?
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
i lost an hour somewhere last night *looks under the couch cushions*
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
At some point, a tweet will be created that will be so powerful, the laws of physics will not apply to it.
@The_Sock_Puppet
The_Sock_Puppet
If I ever find out who wrote my phone # on the mens bathroom wall at the gas station, I'll thank them
@The_Sock_Puppet