TychoBrahe

@TychoBrahe

TychoBrahe

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@TychoBrahe best tweets
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TychoBrahe
I overheard my son in his room: "I know you're just fabric and stuffing and plastic," he said. "But you've been a wonderful friend to me."
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TychoBrahe
If I'm looking at a vibrator review, and it has zero stars, I get curious. Were there deaths?
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TychoBrahe
I loathe earlier versions of myself as though they were separate people.
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TychoBrahe
No, I don't want to install the "Bing Toolbar." Get the fuck out of here.
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TychoBrahe
If you were ever wondering how a real writer might tell you to go fuck yourself: http://t.co/KlxCpi4Q
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TychoBrahe
I taught my son to shake his hands at the sky and say "WHAT HAVE THESE HANDS WROUGHT?" It's been paying dividends.
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TychoBrahe
Ronia was frightened by a dinosaur at the science center; I told her it was a robot. Apparently, "robot dinosaur" is not an improvement.
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TychoBrahe
When I'm using a public restroom, I like to ask complete strangers if they "saw the big game." If they say no, I say it was a "scorcher."
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TychoBrahe
My son crawled into bed with me around four or so. "Daddy," he said, his voice audibly shaking, "I dreamed that everything was wrong."
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TychoBrahe
My son made his first cipher today. The message had a one letter word, then four letters, then three; as such, I had no need of the key.
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TychoBrahe
People often ask me what my favorite word is, and it's impossible. I feel confident, however, that my least favorite word is "webinar."
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TychoBrahe
You tell someone you're a bad person, and they think you're being euphemistic or have low self esteem. Nope! I'm literally a bad person.
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TychoBrahe
Valentine's Day is the worst. It is the Devil's Birthday.
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TychoBrahe
My son wanted to know why our cars only drive on roads, and not on the water or in the air. "Cowardice," I said.
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TychoBrahe
Saw this when I dropped off the prince at school. Some hardcore shit is going down. http://t.co/NRDuP1I7
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TychoBrahe
Some Australians played a trick on me last night at the wrap party. Tried to convince me there were carnivorous koalas called "Drop Bears."
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TychoBrahe
My mother told me that TSR (of D&D fame) stood for "Try Satan's Realm." It's hard to take a person seriously after something like that.
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TychoBrahe
We are having a family meeting. The PowerPoint presentation would be called "When It is Appropriate To Use Karate.ppt"
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TychoBrahe
New weight loss plan: slit belly, scoop out handfuls of visceral fat.
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TychoBrahe
jesus jumped up christ “@thekiko: This is pretty gnarly http://t.co/nykyGQlx "
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