If I read one more article in which a man is "babysitting" his own child I'm going to burn the whole place down.

The decision to peaceably protest shouldn't be predicated on how able one is to physically withstand police brutality.

What I'd really like to see happen on #occupywallst, "Yo! Omar! Omar! Omar Comin'! Yo, Omar comin'! Omar comin'!"

I'm power watching Gilmore Girls and was going to document all the books Rory reads but someone's already done it! http://t.co/WOv0qPrX

Corn subsidies will kill us all. High fructose corn syrup the catalyst for colony collapse disorder. Via @maxfenton http://t.co/dwJkIMRp

@beep as with ladies, they get upset if you start a new one before ending the previous one.

Mars Owen Essl, we are so happy you're here! Your dad @essl was amazing today. http://t.co/LylncISg

Dear @NewYorker. Please sync your stuff or give me a way to tell you I subscribe so your website and app can stop asking me to subscribe. xo

@essl Y E S!!! I will marry you, @essl

Hey now! @litmagazine is open for submissions. Fiction, nonfiction, and poetry. *Prose must be less than 24 pages. http://t.co/0luyf38C

All I want is a Das Racist cover of Peanut Butter Jelly Time.

Don't read @zeldman in the morning, silly girl. You know he always makes you cry. http://bit.ly/bY18yX

Waiting for the car to bring us all home! Mars is being a trooper. First pants, first car ride. Mittens for socks. http://t.co/O3xURxjn

When you're at the end of your favorite book and your eyes are welling up and then a mariachi band starts playing b/c you're on the R train.

Jackhammer. JJjjjjjjjjjackkkkkhhhammmmeeerr. JJJjjjjackkkkkkkhammmmerrrrrrrrr. JaacckKKhaMMmMMMmmeRrRrRrR. Aaammer. Mer. Jack. KK. rrrRRRRR

I've been in labor for 13 hours! So ready for the birth of little mighty @essl. We're having a baby, you guys! *falls back on the bed*

I don't need Siri, I need, "Computer, what was I just thinking about?" level brain scanning capabilities. Then I need it to stroke my hair.

I can shoot straight, hold my whiskey, and sit my saddle. What work is there for writer/editor raised as a southern gentleman?

@Mike_FTW Men can't open a box of crackers without annihilating tab A and slot B -- and we're supposed to trust them with our vaginas?

And Happy Veteran's Day to my Navy dad, who was shot down on his 66th mission and then flew 56 more. Photo: rescued: http://t.co/WuEWEoK0