After tweeting about giving head I lose followers...poor ignorant bastards

A dream is a wish your heart makes. A threesome is a wish your boyfriend makes.

Well, officer....I do normally keep one hand on the wheel but it makes it so much harder to keep the bowl lit.

If you're happy and you know it, I automatically hate you on principle alone.

Forget lifting weights and cycling class...I'm sucking my thumb and doing my kegels....girl's gotta' prioritize.

What I lack in brains, I make up for with nudity.

Skirt up to my ass, low-cut halter, 4 inch heels, chomping on gum like a cow chewing cud. I am woman. Watch me whore.

Why does it take a village to raise a child when it only takes Jack Daniels and hormones to have one in the first place?

The next time a grocery clerk asks if plastic is ok, I'm just going to respond with "I prefer leather."

Its hard to hold a glass of wine between your legs while driving. I really should've brought the whole bottle.

I don't really care about being judged...as long as its not by a jury of twelve.

My boobies are hurting. I'm really hoping these are growing pains.

The problem with common sense is that the world is full of morons.

Let me guess...you're upset because I explained your stupidity...and you actually understood it...am I right?

Going home to fuck myself... 'cause occasionally I do know how to take orders...from complete strangers....on the subway.

Currently being fingered under the table while half-drunk playing poker. Life is good.

Old enough to know better, but still too drunk to care.

You might want to pull that skirt down a little...your daddy issues are showing.

I'm officially declaring myself the world's worst judge of character...which doesn't say much for you people either.

I had to pick a "safe word" upon admission, for privacy protection. From the looks I got, I'm guessing no one had chosen "harder" before.