Khloe Kardashian died :( RT @KimKardashian: Can't believe people would make up a sick joke like Cher died. These people need to get a life!

I have no idea what was under my fingernail but I ate it anyway.

"I'm a Vegan. 9." - Vegan's answer to "Excuse me, what time does the mall close?"

@NancyGraceHLN Ur twins R so beautiful! Can U do a segment about how @michaelianblack doesn't mutilate babies & should be face of @TacoBell?

Life begins at contraception.

I'll be at Chapters this morning signing random books from 10am-2pm (or until I get kicked out/arrested). Come down and say hi!

PLEASE RT OR I'll KILL YOUR FAMILY #DoritosLocosTacos #Contest

"The measure of a man is what man would do for a Klondike bar." - MLK, 1959 #obscureMLKquotes

I found this old picture of my son and I hunting... http://t.co/USFLhndT

I freaked my neighbors out by telling them I ran over their Pomeranian but actually I just ran over their 3 yr old! LOL April Fooled them!

Snooki's pregnant? Congrats, girl! Lemme buy you a drink!

My uncle lived everyday like it was his last. Also, my uncle is broke, in jail for credit card fraud and has hepatitis C.

A Gelfite Fish Called Wanda #yiddishmovies

I actually used the word "synergy" at work today. Could I possibly be any more 1997???

If I ever do commit suicide it's going to be on a crowded city bus carrying an elementary school class on their way to the Aquarium.

When Snooki gives birth how will they even be able to determine if the baby has F.A.S. or just severe Oompa Loompism?

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~ ~ ~ Re-post this if ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ who don’t need no man ~ ~ ~~
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I remember mistaking my first period for hemorrhoids because it wasn't blue like in the Always® commercial.

I'm boycotting the 2026 Olympics.

I'm watching the episode of Fresh Beat Band where Marina gets a transvaginal ultrasound & discovers she's pregnant by either Shout or Twist.