@Mike_FTW Against the rules. That dude's just about to have his account seized.

I'm just gonna leave this here. http://t.co/sIh2HO6y

PHP for English gentlemen: http://t.co/1XBsZ63

Oh, crap. I just found out I've been following @Oprah this whole time! How did that happen?!? I need a shower now! #instantunfollow

New rule: You're not allowed to reproduce if you use SMS Signatures or the Subject Field.

I'm about to shoot my Grandfather.

With a cannon.

Ok, fine, a Canon.

#photographyhumor

If you try to call me and I don't reply, it's not because I hate you. It's because water and iPhones don't like each other. And I hate you.

When does "spanking" change meaning from that terrifying thing your parents do... To that terrifying thing your parents do?

To my 300th Follower: "Thank you and Congratula... Oh, wait... EAT SHIT AND DIE YOU DAMN PORNBOT!!"

@shellieschmals At first I was all "hey, she's cool, I'll follow this girl on Twitter" and then I was like "OMG I DON'T WATCH ENOUGH TV".

Remembering how utterly sad I've been after breakups just reminds me how emotionless my life is now.

Not gonna lie. It's kinda nice.

@mcF1y Instagramming at the wheel.

Like a baus!

@jakepolo I freedom'd all over this girl's face last night.

From the makers of "New York, I Love You" and "Paris, Je T'Aime", comes "Atlanta... I have lots of tattoos about you, but still complain".

http://m.flickr.com/#/photos/shyamagolden/4745112397/ Llama art ftw. Cc: @iheartpreston

I don't listen to rap music because it's demeaning to bitches.

Tech wins! Georgia loses!

It's a good day.

Atlanta! Get to Park Tavern NOW to support my friends @charitywater! Drink specials! Live music! Heap big awesome!

RT @ghostly: 99% and @Ghostly present.. Free Spring Ambient Music Mix http://bit.ly/amyr02 (via @the99percent). Share with friends!

Got the best Easter gift possible from @iheartpreston: A $20 donation in my name to @charitywater! Today, she changed a life. Happy Easter!