Sarah Palin can see China from the hole she's digging.

I don't care about how many stars, or #followers I get. Don't even care about size of body parts. My name is Theo and I'm a compulsive liar.

Big deal, McDonalds. We're all here for a limited time only.

How many times do I have to roll my eyes to burn any calories?

If it ain't broke, marry it.

Twitter. Where the men are men. And the women may or may not be.

Wearing my bathrobe backward and pretending that it's a snuggie.

Too fast for favstar. That's how I scroll.

I take great pride in being totally inappropriate for my age.

Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style. Now explaining typewriter.

Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It's a jungle out there.

My favorite shade of Grey is Goose.

No one ever disappears into fat air.

Well, I'm off to pour dinner.

My inner child is calling Child Protective Services.

To all my Atheist and Agnostic friends. T_IF!

You can drink until someone becomes pretty, but you can't drink enough to make them smart.

Being famous on Twitter is a bit like being a legend in your own mind.

Twitter. Always Refreshing. And refreshing.

You're on Twitter. Where everyday is your Mother's Day.