Not a fan of late-start Tuesdays at all. Would much rather have late-start Mondays. Or even better, leave-early Fridays.

The trouble with getting up early is that the kids now have a few extra hours to drain my will to live.

I'm about to give up on facebook. I'll stick around for Bejeweled Blitz and to nose through everyone's photos, but I spend all my time here.

That lovely cup of tea I was drinking from a travel mug? I don't have it anymore. I love tea, but I refuse to suck it from minivan carpet.

Blanche was the one who came out with the classic line, "Better late than pregnant!"

I'm not giving up anything, ever. I tried being chaste once but couldn't keep it up. Didn't like all the running.

Has anyone ever researched the therapeutic benefits of tweeting nonsensical babble as an anxiety coping technique?

I just unfollowed myself. I can be cruel that way.

Heading out to our community pool because my kids love to swim in the heavily chlorinated urine of neighborhood toddlers. Summer fun, FTW.

It has been suggested that they BOTH could be the roadrunner, and I could be the coyote. I told them no and that I'd make a better cougar.

It's just another pseudo-job Sunday... nah, it doesn't really work, does it? Sorry, Bangles.

Okay, okay, I'm going to get my swimsuit on and stop neglecting my kids now. You guys have fun this afternoon. ;)

"Honey, it doesn't matter what you think. It's basic daily hygiene, not water torture."

It just wouldn't be a day if I didn't make a fanny of myself one way or another. Ah, well. At least I can cross that off the list now.

This salad would be so much better with sliced avocado. And some vodka valium vinaigrette dressing.

I'm a Wood Tiger according to the Chinese zodiac. Endless gag potential but hardly worth the effort since I'm not getting a press conference

In the right context, knobs can actually be quite useful, you know. ;)

Some hot fresh talent behind the Whole Foods meat counter. Fitting, really.

Are mankinis a thing? Because, honestly, at least 2 dads have bigger tits than I do. #manboobs #moobs #NOTsexy

Facebook seems to be under the impression I know a lot more people than I actually do. It's rather depressing, really.