OH MY GOD THERE'S A TORNADO WARNING IN OHIO #tornado #endoftheworld #armageddon #wearealldead

a non-sequitor walks into a bar. apple turds

#namesformychildren name your kids One, Two and Four, then set them loose at a school. people will spend all day looking for Three! #pranks

congratulations basketball !!!!

breaking news: kansas governor sam brownback has a tiny shriveled weiner and he loves touching children with it @govsambrownback

8 yrs ago today elliott smith was murdered by @JennChiba

give a man to fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man how to dougie and teach me how to dougie teach me teach me how to dougie all my bitc

#thatsmydad there is my dad. he is over there. that is my dad. #thatsmydad my dad is over there. he is my father. there is my dad. there he

#thoughtsduringfloralsex nice chrysanthemums

god returning condoms is fucking embarrassing. just hold it up and yell "THIS DUDE GOT THE WRONG SHIT FOR HIS DICK" already

#QuitActing @AdamSandler

#thingsghettopeopledo live in a horrific nightmare world lol

#youdumbashell can't talk. how could a shell talk.

disappointed that the misfits trending topic isn't about the band

twitter: where a generation that can't directly talk to their friends about depression go to write 140 characters about their upset feelings

#imagine justin delivering your family news in a sexy doctor outfit. "i'm afraid it's cancer." your vag gets wet as hell #drbieber

wow having 2 jobs and 55-60 hr work weeks is going to kick ass; being an adult is cool. time to die

like a dude who smacks you in the face with a 2x4 every night is preferable to having jeffrey dahmer as a roommate

take it to DM, you freaks RT @MittRomney @BarackObama hi. im horney