And in chemo news, the first round was done Tuesday, I feel pretty decent and I warn the tumors - there's more coming if they don't leave.

There is a delightful cheese smell coming from behind my ears.

Pinot Noir isn't French for black penis?

It's unfortunate that you can't eat a recipe and have your stomach compile it into food. #geek #hungry

Apparently there's a small but growing fetish out there for vaginal sex. How odd!

Charmin's new slogan: Enjoy 'the go'.

Might as well have been "Have a nice shit!"

I set the bar low so that I can act pleasantly surprised about burning that single calorie.

Flatulence is one bodily function that I'm ok with losing control of.

Today's lesson: When you offer to help make something better, be prepared for the moment where you realize you made it far worse.

Toilet rides, 10 cents

Be strong in your resolve. Choose to win at all costs. Never give in. #staystrongCK4

Now hiring: someone to bake me some french fries. Some oven experience required.

Everything I've learned about cannabis and cancer. Please read with an open mind and retweet. http://bit.ly/kvCJmN #cancer #cannabis

Imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.

If I decide to freeze my semen for the future, do I have to fill the whole ice cube tray?

Pears - apples for badasses.

Hey febreeze family, try a washing machine.

On the bowl, expecting a white barium poop. So exciting!

Grocery store conveyor belts will play Raymond Scott's Powerhouse. #whenimpresident

Fresh Shooting the Poop can be had via iTunes or direct download at http://shootingthepoop.wordpress.com #IsntWhoringBecauseIDontGetPaid