"Write like a lover. Edit like an ex-wife." —Justin Tanner, playwright/mad genius

@Mike_FTW Mommybloggers to the Gulf floor. Because they'll plug anything corporate America spews.

I'll bet people in Portland who decide to reduce their possessions to 100 end up with 99 light jackets and a Subaru wagon.

9/3/11, 8:10pm Pacific Daylight Time. http://t.co/1DodOZ6

Good morning, world! Kinda chilly out there today. http://t.co/1EfGUE3

Bad news: The BF tells me the acetaminophen I took for my toothache was really his Vicodin stash. Good news: everything else.

New email rule: any sign-offs of "Namaste" not immediately followed by "haha" in parentheses will be routed straight to trash.

"Two for whatever movie none of those people are going to."

Why Design Is a Job is the book to read even if design isn't your job. http://t.co/EAGih27l

Just did an overlay of the food pyramid with Maslow's hierarchy. I'm pretty sure that if I become self-actualized, I get to eat candy again.

Protip: if you add brandy to your homemade frozen yogurt, it doesn't freeze as hard and HOLY SHIT THIS IS GOOD FROZEN YOGURT!

I find the Twitter "Trends" bar invaluable. For finding out who's dead, in jail, at the ass end of their 15 minutes, or dumb enough to pay.

Everything was going so well until we came to the favorite author part and you said "Ayn Rand."

$60K. I'm off to get shaved. But I made you this first. Good news at 1:20 in. I love you all! http://t.co/tQSncus

Buffet: French for "Never as good as it looks."

From the depths of congested misery, I feebly lift my neutered Sudafed in the air and curse every meth addict who ever lived.

If you're not fucking up massively at least once a day, you're not me—er, I mean, DOING IT RIGHT.

How do people write with music on? I can barely listen to music with music on.

"I wonder sometimes if 'extrovert' is introvert code for 'assssshole!!!'" —@daveseah

Hell is other people's children.