Just realized Klout is the perfect metaphor for media in the modern era. It assumes you're an expert in anything you talk a lot about.

The face Rick Perry makes when you ask him a question is the face your dog makes at the answering machine when your voice comes out.

Holy shit: Bill Murray to play FDR. http://bit.ly/mtoyfR #thingsthatmakemelovetheworld

I wish I had a job where when I did a thing really well it was called a double eagle.

Herman Cain's remarks on Muslims are bad enough. But his preference for deep dish pizza just has no place in civilized society.

If Facebook had any sense of humor, their ticker symbol would've been LIKE.

Probably a weird time to point this out, but OBL was tracked and killed by federal employees.

I'll believe Chris Christie isn't running for president when he releases a YouTube video berating me for asking.

@Mike_FTW Notably, the "America is an idea" crowd sure seem pretty concerned with policing our non-place's borders.

Shorter Obama: "I'm sorry we're all being held hostage by the petulant morons you all elected last time."

Media reporting Kim died of fatigue. You'd be tired too if you'd written "Hamlet," cured Polio, and won the Tour de France 19 times.

"That powerpoint deck was a DOUBLE EAGLE! OH MAN!"

This @robinsloan analysis of #lessambitiousmovies points to something like the idea of a "creative class" on Twitter: http://t.co/zy7YHE4

Wait, Romney fired Grenell to appease the right, and then says he wishes he hadn't? This guy can't even pander right. https://t.co/PBltZgjW

Looks like London Eye burning may be a fake photo. May have gotten duped. Please RT this too.

Wait, Macho Man was Jewish? Have we been pronouncing his name wrong this whole time?

"Hey, look at that baby golden lab nuzzling that butterfly in a field of dais–" "FUCKING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

It's not the fact that Congress can't agree on any good ideas that worries me. It's how easily they unanimously agree on terrible ideas.

Kind of ironic that on the first anniversary of Open Government plans, the government is trying to make plans to stay open.

Things The Supreme Court Thinks The Government Can Make You Do:

☑ Take your clothes off.

☒ Buy health insurance.

http://t.co/Iu8b5Zg4