First swallow of the year! Thanks, love.

It may be 6 years old now, but I still think of this at least once a fortnight: http://t.co/DbvJdY4G

Inflation: http://t.co/D8nmplEi

Nice to see the Daleks catered for: http://t.co/Hs2YYt9

If life gives you Lemon, switch off ITV.

"Spot the mistake" is no way to talk about your puppy.

I have done everyone a favour by forgetting to order more recorders. #school

My god, the man just doesn't stop... http://t.co/YlGGHFE8

Chortle makes its feelings clear: http://t.co/fl0OxRym

There's a small piece of tissue on the bathroom floor that I've not picked up for weeks because it looks like a tiny shark.

Drillbits are a bore.

In summary then, John Terry has been charged with Perverting.

Joseph McCarthy ticked all his emails "Mark as Red".

Mission Impossible 4 reviewed: http://t.co/twLynmlN

Not sure why there's so much mystery surrounding the identity of the antichrist. She was clearly Mary's sister.

@Martin_Carr @akirathedon Rap themed bakery = House of Pain.

Yay, it's Boring tomorrow. This is what it looked like last year: http://t.co/Kd3tFjxt

Seal still wonders why no-one would ever go clubbing with him.

@cjhancock #balletsongs Plié Jesu.

The ultimate example of nominative determinism was Princess Di.