@donni

donni

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Favs Rec'd	574,531
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Followers	22,224
Comedy sandwich. Writer, riffer, fledgling opener, openly miked. Host of TwitTalkers (http://twittalkers.com). Only wrestles sea cows seasonally.

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@donni Tweets of the Day

Our house, in the middle of the street, was hit by cars on a daily basis.

@donni

The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

@donni

There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.

@donni

The waffle is a pancake that's been ribbed for her pleasure.

@donni

That aardvark moment when you share a special moment with an aardvark.

@donni

I still think windsurfing is fake.

@donni

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"I don't know what they want from me! It's like the Mormon-y I come across, the more problems I see." -Mitt Romney

@donni

If I must die someday, I hope it's in a burrito avalanche.

@donni

Just dropped my toothbrush in the toilet, which narrowly beats dropping a plunger in my mouth.

@donni

Good thing time travel wasn't illegal before yet!

@donni

I scream. You scream. We all scream. The killer laughs. So much blood.

@donni

Only the toughest babies join the infantry.

@donni

Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

@donni

Nobody wants to talk about the elephant in the waiting room, but he has an appointment.

@donni

Squirrels are the worst jaywalkers.

@donni

ugh why is Boob Magazine doing a cover story bout time

@donni

People in love should be allowed to marry, regardless of gender. But lonely people should get free pizza or something.

@donni

Ben folds five WHAT, exactly?

@donni

No one wants to talk about the elephant on shrooms, but he's freaking out.

@donni

If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

@donni

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