drollpatrol

@drollpatrol

Shelley Gladney

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@drollpatrol best tweets
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drollpatrol
Dear Craigslist, where the hell am I supposed to post pictures of the inside of my bent elbow now?
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drollpatrol
I thought Bret Farve retired from Poison a long time ago
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drollpatrol
if you think you are having a medical or psychiatric emergency, please tweet about it before calling 911
@drollpatrol
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drollpatrol
Why don't all cookbooks start with a section about how to treat burns
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drollpatrol
was just sexually harassed. it went okay.
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drollpatrol
Fuck you and the whores you rode in on. Pretend that didn't end in a preposition.
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drollpatrol
Dear Hollywood: we want harlots, not starlets. Love, The Internet.
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drollpatrol
Whenever I miss how college was, I drink at work more
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drollpatrol
It's cute how MapQuest assumes you'll go the speed limit.
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drollpatrol
I’ll go to the city if someone else drives #BayAreaQuotes
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drollpatrol
Hawaiian is not an ethnicity. It's a pizza.
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drollpatrol
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. MY THERAPIST SAYS I'LL PROBABLY BE OK. OR SOMETHING. I WASN'T LISTENING.
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drollpatrol
Dear Guy on 101 Flipping Me Off: My day started with dog vomit. You don't scare me.
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drollpatrol
God gives us rain to remind everyone what shitty drivers you are compared to me
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drollpatrol
I love how salesmen tell me their names as if I won't call them all Willy Loman. #ilovemyjob
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drollpatrol
Seriously though is the world ending on Saturday? Because if so, fuck this diet...
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