There are no stupid questions. Just Yahoo Answers.

It smells like something died in my cubicle. Besides my dreams.

Attention impotent teabaggers: you can't spell "socialism" without "Cialis."

Aw, I'm just kidding. You can't spell anything.

I'm shocked by the embarrassing things people email to their whole department when they leave their workstation unlocked.

Final Oprah episode. Each audience member checks under the seat and finds a medieval weapon. Heavy studio doors bolt shut from the outside.

Milk and cookies glued to the coffee table. Freshly tarred roof. New chest freezer in the garage.


Now we wait.

You all said I was crazy to save all these soy sauce packets. How's your post-apocalyptic squirrel? Oh, what's that? NEEDS A LITTLE SALT?

Never smell the stain.

Never, ever, ever smell the stain.

A man in a costume brought me presents. I tried to sit on his lap, but he punched me and got into his brown truck and drove away.

Don't worry. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of dead, oil-saturated fish.

You'll die alone.

I've never had to finish a bar fight, primarily because most tough guys won't risk getting their ass beaten by a suddenly naked man.

Trying to think of the ultimate Good Friday joke. I really want to nail this one.

Opinions are like assholes, except I've never been blackmailed into smuggling a condom full of heroin in my opinion.

"Derp."

-- United States of America, 11/2/2010

When the kids in the next room get really quiet you know that their new toy is a hit. Like those plastic bags I just gave them.

Family reunion in Arkansas. Packing condoms because, you know, clichés.

A vegan once told me that eating animals is no different from eating people.

He was delicious.

BREAKING: The restraining order is in place. CAPITOL DOORS ARE OPEN TO THE PUBLIC! Capacity = 9000. Spread this news far and wide! #wiunion

I have always depended on the jolliness of ranchers.

Before we fight, I think it's only fair to warn you that I have a black belt in my closet.