You know you're invisible when the automatic faucet rejects you.

In retrospect, I feel bad for the 13-year-old who climbed Mt. Everest. Do you think he peaked too soon?

"Ignorance is bliss" is my personal motto because it hasn't steered me wrong and even if it has, how would I know?

I only eat chocolate covered caramel because that's how I Rolo™.

I'm rather surprised that the English didn't think of Cheerios first.

I'm trying to overcome my narcissism but I admit it's been a vain attempt.

You throw caution to the wind like a girl.

I love Twitter. Thanks for all the laughs today. And I'm not just saying that because I'm higher than a kite. Oh look, a squirrel.

Of course there's a female orgasm disorder. It's called a man.

I'm trying to simplify my life. What's the next size down from delusions of grandeur?

Yes, my body is a temple. But, it's closed for maintenance. In the meantime, feel free to worship me for my mind.

Fake nice is worse than really mean.

Life is harder for the beautiful people. I'm sorry you'll never know.

We're getting into a weird area. I'm starting to know some of you, which makes me think you're more than just a figment of my imagination.

I always dreamt of being royalty. Being surrounded by drama queens wasn't exactly what I envisioned.

I do so enjoy making fun of stupid people, all the while fearing I'm one of them.

I'm going to take a shower and wash my hair, only to have it washed later at the salon. Because, I'm a woman and that makes sense.

Mastering the art of dumbing myself down and realizing I didn't have all that far to go.

I wonder if Pink likes being tickled.

Today is a perfect example of why I rarely wear a skirt. But, I did make some new friends in the Chipotle parking lot.