The leading cause of disappointment is giving a shit.

Who knew throwing scissors would cause a fuss ... Its not like I ran with them!

If a guy is really not into you, I suggest getting on top so you can control the depth a little better.

I may not be the brightest or the sharpest but my contrast is amazing!

Im tired and Im cranky!!

wonder if this is a legitimate excuse for calling in sick for a postal worker? ;O

Tweet like no one is reading. It seems to be a pre-req for the leaderboard.

who needs real life friends when I can have invisible friends like you guys! ;)

Three reasons I retweet:
1. It made me laugh
2. Fucking follow worthy
3. I want to fuck you ;)

here is the thing about a 25 mph speed limit in a school zone ... I am unable to watch for children because I have to stare at my spedometer

Boys are simple. Boobs, beer, bacon and blowjobs ;)

I have become a star fucking whore ... I cant stop starring tweets ... this is what happens when your ADD has nothing better to do!

Can I buy a vowel please?? I could really use an O!

Vaginas are like snowflakes. No two are alike and both are sought after by eager tongues ;)

First rule of Twitter Club is to never let them see you give a fuck.

If you have a vagina and you pay for your drinks you're doing it wrong.

Join twitter.
Beg for stars.
Bitch no one follows.
We feel sorry.
Get attention.
Become a pretentious prick.

Not fooling anyone.

Things better left unsaid can always be tweeted.

I come across rude to save you the trouble of actually getting to know me. Show some gratitude.

I miss having sex with a real life penis.

Dear followers if you could try and locate my star button with the fervor in which you would use to locate my clittoris that would be grand.