gt733

@gt733

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Blah Blah [interesting quote]. Blah Blah Blah [quip]. Blah [profound statement]. Blah Blah. Bacon. Boobs. Beer.
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@gt733 best tweets
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gt733
The cops found pot on Willie Nelson's tour bus.

In other news, water is wet.
@gt733
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gt733
seems my get up and go just got up and went ... which saves me the trouble of violently beating it with a bat 'til it's unconscious
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gt733
Who wears venison after Labor Day? I mean, really?
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gt733
Remember: Whenever one door closes, another one opens- then comes the cavity search, orange jumpsuit, more doors & eventually prison sex.
@gt733
gt733
I ran this morning and there was absolutely nothing chasing me. There is something fundamentally wrong with that.
@gt733
gt733
You asked for a precision screwdriver, and I handed you a drink with the perfect vodka to orange juice ratio. I fail to see the problem.
@gt733
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gt733
i think i've just made the leap from barely adequate to solidly mediocre
@gt733
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gt733
I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day.
@gt733
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gt733
You said "extend an olive branch to him", but you never specified that it couldn't be whittled to a sharp point and extended 23 times.
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gt733
I deleted my Facebook acct months ago. People seemed upset that "Drinkin' beer & eatin' Cheetos® naked" was my only status update - ever.
@gt733
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gt733
Maybe I should become a monk? I've got the poverty and celibacy parts down. If I can just get some religion and shut the fuck up, I'm in.
@gt733
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gt733
PETA outraged by the display of "the decaying flesh of a tortured animal".
Isn't that a little harsh, PETA? After all, Cher is an icon.
@gt733
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gt733
she asked me to "ravage her like a jungle beast" - so I grabbed her by the throat, wedged her in a tree, & said I'd be back to eat her later
@gt733
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gt733
Sometimes words hit as hard as a fist ... particularly when said words are in the form of Scrabble tiles in a sock.
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gt733
If this karma thing is true, I may be coming back as Courtney Love's thong.
@gt733
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gt733
Woke up with a stiff plank and no one to walk it.
Story of me miserable life.
@gt733
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gt733
"Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life" - No one will pay me to masturbate for 8hrs, so thanks for the false hope, dad.
@gt733
gt733
The recession's not gone. It just moved into it's parents' basement.
@gt733
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gt733
I danced like no one was watching.

Apparently, that wasn't the case.

Court date pending
@gt733
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gt733
What emotional scab shall we pick today, kids? How about "you'll never live up to your parents' expectations"? oooh - it looks infected
@gt733
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