hollyberryness

@hollyberryness

Shmólly Schmülz

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The human condition, personified.
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@hollyberryness best tweets
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hollyberryness
Only country music would consider "I'm a little drunk and I need you now" to be romantic lyrics.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
WHAT THE *FUCK* IS THAT ON MY LEG!?!

GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!



Oh, it's just a Cocoa Krispie?...
Hah.......Give it back.

*Nom nom nom*
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Those of you with non-you avi's, I feel it's only fair you know that I assume the worst.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Thank God I'm the IT person at work. Saves me a lot of awkward browser history explanations.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
A great way to guarantee your children will be bisexual atheists is Catholic school.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Opening the cereal bag requires a certain finesse that, judging from my kitchen floor, I tragically lack.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Insomnia, you're my only friend.



Oh, you too, creepy hallucination thing.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Dear Jesus, Real funny giving me all this ass and no rhythm. You're quite the jokester, aren't you?
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
....then I was all "omigah my boob popped out, how embarrassing!"


And that's how I got my free $5 footlong.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Who forgets their counselor's name after a month and a half of therapy?!

Fuck you, brain, this is a good example of why we're here.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
I hate when people I hate do things that aren't entirely hateable.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
It's really hard to masturbate when there's an ice cream truck rolling through your neighborhood.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
To Do:

O̶r̶g̶a̶n̶i̶z̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶u̶e̶ ̶b̶i̶l̶l̶s̶
Throw out old bills & wait for debt collectors to send fresh ones.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Mmm, clean sheet night, you know what THAT means ;) hehehe.




Nothing. It means absolutely nothing.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Thanks for saying your phone number at super warp speed so I get to play your annoying voicemail three extra times & now I hate you triple.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Dear Pathetic Idiot, Have you EVER gotten a blowjob from honking at chicks? What about a date?...Thank you for making it so easy to be gay.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Just wasted 5 minutes of my life trying to wash a Cheerio down the drain rather than just poking it down with my finger.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
Too cool for school. And work. And charity. And your face. And apparently sex, which was the one I definitely did not bargain for.
@hollyberryness
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hollyberryness
.....Thank goodness no one saw that bathroom door outsmart me.
@hollyberryness
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