I love everything about the word fuck.

I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it.

Rodeo sex.... Whisper ex-girlfriend's name in her ear doggy style and see if you can stay on for eight seconds.

Isn't it sweet when a child giggles in their sleep?

Love orgasms are priceless. To squirt, that's the icing.

Who slipped me the horny pills?

Happy Sexy Sunday! I am going to stay in bed and drink and fuck all day!

So just what's wrong with a little fat on the ass?

He's six today and next year he'll get a pocket knife so he can open his own damn presents cause I just poked myself with a kitchen knife.

Those sonofabitching toy thieving dirty rotten bastards that have made it so miserable TO OPEN UP A GOD DAMNED TOY!

When I'm feeling lonely and unloved I turn to you, my twitter family.

Now. All at once. Let's see how fast we can unfollow Charlie. Set a record. 23 hours. Go.

My five year old is singing a country and western song in his sleep -- with the accent.

In the jungle the mighty jungle the pooty sleeps tonight, but not tomorrow! Which dildo shall I purchase at my party?

Can we consider masturbation as a form of exercise?

And just what's wrong with a nicely accessorized camel toe?

If you don't wear an underwire bra, why wear one at all? Ladies get your tits in the air, shoulders back, now show off them boobies.

Why buy the pig when you can have ALL the sausage for free.

If I get any fatter I'm gonna need help wiping.

I am sick with diarrhea. If he loves me, he'll sympathy-shit his pants.