Watching 'Rattle and Hum,' the documentary that chronicles the start of Bono's 25 year slide from rock star to Robin Williams impersonator.

Feeling like this is the last day I'll be able to wear a sweater to the office. I know, I know, I'm devastated too.

At Ikea. The scent in the air is one of cinnamon mixed with sawdust and regret.

STOP LOOKING AT ME, WIKIPEDIA AUTHOR!

It's not that "I'm not a morning person" so much as "in the morning I'm not a person."

People used to be all "Oh my god you guys balsamic vinegar!" I miss that enthusiasm.

Finding out that some of you actually do it "sock, shoe, sock, shoe" and I really don't know how l process that right now.

Missed Connection @ The Folsom Street Fair. Me: Lucha Libre mask w/ matching t-shirt. You: bearded bear with cameraphone. We had a "moment."

I wasn't wearing a hat earlier. This has been rectified.

Due To Multiple Failed Login Attempts Your Account Access Has Been Suspended, Charlie Brown

#RejectedPeanutsSpecials

When will young musicians realize that heroin will only make them a better musician and also famous.

One of the most feared enemies of the Roman Empire, his full name was actually Atilla the Honeybuns. #factswithoutwikipedia

What's more disturbing than a dead pixel on your brand new monitor is finding the tiny suicide note.

Did I just make a list of ballpoint pens that I really should try? I think I may be losing my fucking mind.

"Now it's snowing in San Francisco!"

- Everyone doing coke tonight in San Francisco

Don't send me to the store by myself unless you want a bunch of food that we already have.

"Your mouse isn't upside-down, is it?"
I've reached the pinnacle of IT support.

Show me on Kim Kardashian where the Google Reader touched you.

Just learned that Bon Iver is actually pronounced "Jack Johnson."

Wait, Snuggies don't have pockets? Where the fuck am I supposed to put my wallet?