The best thing about me and hubby having an open marriage is hubby not knowing we have an open marriage.

If it weren't for all the sexual harassment, I would have quit my job a long time ago.

Let's not complicate this relationship with petty questions like "are you married?", "what's your name?", and "will the back seat be okay?".

I raise the bar when it comes to lowering standards.

For a Latina I have no rhythm....except for when I'm on my back or on my knees. But I guess that's all the rhythm I need.

I'm in a minivan with 5 Emo/skater teens, heading home after wasting 4 hours of my life at a skatepark. So yes officer, I've been drinking.

It's a shame you can't abort them when they're teenagers.

Get over yourself, just because I've had your dick in me doesn't mean I have to acknowledge you in public.

The only good thing about paying bills online is that it leads to watching online porn.

I'd rather play friends with benefits; than Words with Friends.

Those who can, do. Those who can't,
better know how to give good head.

The only manual labor this Mexican is willing to do are hand jobs.

I'm hungry AND horny...either way I'm gonna end up with some meat in my mouth.

You call it being a whore, but I call it being a cock connoisseur.

Pro Tip...because I don't let amateur tips in my vagina.

You know your sex life can use spicing up when you accidentally yell out your vibrators name while having sex with your significant other.

Doggy style...because how else are you going to pull my hair, spank my ass, and pound me deep and hard?

Dear Folgers: The best part of waking up is having dick in my mouth. After that, I couldn't care any less what kind of coffee I drink.

If the path to nirvana doesn't lead to the liquor store, then that's a journey my ass doesn't want to embark on.

My inner child has finally matured...into a horny teenage slut.