I hate the circus; full of caged and mistreated animals, alcoholic carnies, and sideshow freaks. Why go there when twitter is free?

I'm a pot smoker. I don't rush to judgement, or anywhere else for that matter.

"Twitter would understand!" - me at work today when nobody understood me.

I have been checking out some of your bios. Many of you listed your location as inside my mom. I had no idea she was such a whore.

I think we should chip in on some group therapy.

Lady in line at bank, rocking, sighing, letting everyone know she can't handle the wait. I'm glad I have you folks to keep me smiling!

I can pass for normal when needed.

I've just renamed my neighbor Shouty Mc Fucktard.

My milkshake brings the wrong kind of guys to the yard.

Making eye contact at the laundromat is seldom a good idea. I am now hiding in my car. Make them go away!

"you've changed since you got that machine" - my boyfriend, about twitter

Just went through my list to make sure I'm not following any normal people, I love my tiny island full of fellow misfit toys!

Don't hate me, I'm in Walmart and I'm having a nice time. I have the flip flop aisle all to myself and I'm high, so many pretty colors!

My twitter friends are so exciting, jerking off, stabbing things, and causing car accidents... No wonder I feel safer inside!

Yesterday I was 15 minutes late for work, and promised to do better. Today I was 45 minutes late. That's better, right?

I don't always act right.

Fuck You Activia! Never again, never again.

It's not about the stars as much as it is to see your avis. It feels like a group hug, or sometimes a one-on-one hug.

I'm being followed by a STD dating site. You can choose your next partner based on your favorite disease. What will they think of next?

I'm being followed by counselors for troubled teens, might have been more helpful back in the 80s, when I needed them. Too late now!