My teen came home & said Mom I need the computer, you're probably only starring tweets anyway.... what a brat.

Why is it the men who think they're God's gift to women don't EVER realize that they're really a gag gift?

One of my favorite pastimes is to stroll over to favstar read, laugh & star stuff like a kindergarten teacher with a big roll of stickers.

So is the dangly thing at the back of your throat called the uvula ... I can't ever remember so I call it the cock knocker ;-)

I hugged my toddler & he tooted,
"Mommy that means you hugged too hard!"// good to know

After hearing the words "Deep south" I'm suddenly aroused... go figure ;-)

It's better to have loved and lost than to have kept the jerk and be miserable for life.

I think my next tattoo will be.. 2 hands separated by a distance of 6 inches.The words underneath 'you must be this big to ride this ride!'

2 wrongs don't make a right but they sure made 3 smart & beautiful kids.

Why is it the guys with the smallest cocks act like the biggest dicks?

I'm sitting in a ray of sunshine... now I'm starting to understand why cats find this so appealing... all I need is a tongue bath.

Unconditional love shouldn't have an emotional price tag.

I put the 'I hate you fuck off and die' .......

in most everything I say.

People who forget the past, eventually end up dating again.

The grass is ALWAYS greener right over where the body's buried.

Obama to the left of me. iPad to the right. Tweeting in the middle with you.

If I wanted to see the red carpet I wouldn't have shaved. ;-)

My 11y/o likes her new school flash drive on lanyard so much she wearing it as a necklace...
geek-in-training!

There is no O in marriage.

My ex's wife told me that all I have to do is say the word&the ex'd come running back.The only word I think of in regard to the ex is..

DIE