"We spent so long looking for the Higgs boson, and all the time it was in our hearts." -- Higgs Boson Christmas Special

"There wasn't fog, then there was fog, and now there isn't fog," baffled fogologist Professor Ted Cataracts tells a tenacious reporter.

Kilimanjaro: a sea shanty about killing a man with a jar.

The National Marzipan Council's slogan "Marzipan it" is an anagram of 'Nazi armpit', demonstrating that marzipan is inherently evil.

This morning I've been making owl noises at a period of civil unrest in Northern Ireland. That's right, I've been troubleshooting.

Jeans were first worn by humans in 1955. Prior to that only horses had worn them.

"Run away with me," I thundered impetuously. "We could live in a shed by the ocean and you could make baguettes for me until I'm sick."